They say it only hurts a bit
by Kayla Silvermoon
Summary: Being left out sucks


Ronin Warriors belong to there respective owners I DO NOT OWN THEM OR ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM!!!!! I'm just using them without permission to write a story. So please don't sue me. Also the song Go Be Young by Edwin McCain DOES NOT BELONG TO ME. I'm just borrowing that to without permission. Anyways it's a REALLY good song if you haven't heard it yet go and hear it. I think Edwin McCain is a really talented person.  
  
  
  
They say it only hurts a bit.  
  
  
  
"Go be young, go be free Follow your heart where it leads you Don't end up like me"  
  
  
  
  
  
There all standing outside this room now. Talking. Having fun. Why aren't I? What have I done to become ostracized from there little group? I tried so very hard to become there friend. But I guess it just wasn't enough. Every now and then one of them will look in and turn there head away quickly. Am I that repulsive? Surrounded by so many people yet I'm so alone. There's wetness in my eyes now.I'm crying. What have I done? I just don't know anymore, there's just so much pain. Why won't it stop? They all think I'm made of ice and that I don't care. But I do. I do care. I just..I just don't know. There laughing really hard now, I wonder if the joke is about me. It's so hard to sit here and be here day after day with people who ignore you except when they need an answer to a question, or help with something.  
  
In all reality it must be my fault. Right? I mean I must not have tried hard enough or something. Somewhere on the way I've done something so totally off that they won't even associate with me now. It hurts so incredibly bad right now. My violet eyes keep getting blurry, and I'm grinding my teeth now. I don't want to cry over this not with all of them not even 7 feet from me I wish my hair would cover both my eyes now instead of just one. Just once I wish I could know why.why am I so different? It's been like this for as long as I remember. In all reality I should be used to this now. It's been my life since I was born. But I'm not, how do you get used to being alone? I'm afraid of the dark, I don't like the cold, and I'm terrified of being alone. Once, just once, I wish someone would care about me. And I mean REALLY care about me. Not the false "Hi, how are you's." But the genuine "hey how's it goin buddy." And just once I wish someone would hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.even if it was a lie. There laughing again, oh god it hurts, I can't take it. Stumbling to the bathroom, I grab a razorblade. It's funny, isn't it? A life can be made so easily, and a life can end so suddenly. I've thought about it so many time's before, to just end it all, to be free from all this pain, but something.something always stops me. I think of the could be's, the what if's. I suppose if I were to do that then maybe I would upset a few people, but I don't think it would last for very long. I think it would be more of the shock value more than anything else. Why can't life be easy? Why does this pain always come? I can't handle it anymore. The blade is so sharp it would be so easy to just put it against my wrists and slide it along the vain till blood gushes out in torrents. I've heard that when you slice your wrists, it feels like your slowly falling asleep, that after a few minutes you don't feel the pain anymore. No more pain.wouldn't that be nice. To not have too feel anymore, to be free from the bonds of everyday life, to be able to rest. I'm so tired all the time. I just want.I just want to be. I wish I had someone. Someone once told me that males normally choose a more gruesome death, then females. That men normally go for a gun, while women go for things like pills, and slitting wrists. Here isn't that funny? I'm choosing a female way. They always said I was more female. Hell my family always treated me like a little girl when I was little. Dressing me up in dresses. Putting ribbons in my hair. There quieting down out there. There probably going to go watch a movie now. I'm never invited. Never asked. And when they look at me with those eyes, like I'm not good enough to be with them. Am I that tainted? Am I that repulsive? What have I done to cause such hate? The blade is so sharp.  
  
I can't take it.  
  
I don't want to put up with it anymore.  
  
It hurts so much now.  
  
Oh god why.  
  
What did I do.?  
  
I'm so sorry.  
  
They say it only hurts a bit.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Perfumed and smoky She swears that she knows me She's falling down drunk again I say she's mistaken She's visibly shaken Emotions all drowned in gin She said I used to be beautiful But now it's all gone I let my dreams slip away from me That's where it went wrong Go be young, go be free Follow your heart where it leads you Don't end up like me The Indian in the guardhouse used to spin me yarns Stories of canyons and Boston in winter And losing his family's farms He said I've outlived my three sons, they died in three wars I laughed and I cried while they lived and they died And I know that they deserve more Go be young, go be free Follow your heart where it leads you Don't end up like me Don't end up like me Don't end up like me I say I used to be powerful Don't end up like me But now it's all gone Don't end up like me I let my dreams take control of me Don't end up like me That's where it went wrong Don't end up like me Don't end up like me  
  
  
  
Owari  
  
  
  
I hope you all liked this fic. I wrote it while in a depressed mood. Basically that's my life, and this is exactly what I've been thinking. I live in a dorm now and I just seem to do everything wrong, like, likeing Anime, liking Yoai, seeing nothing wrong in new things. Anyways this sort of made me feel better. Unfortunately I have to go to sleep now. Classes tomorrow. 


End file.
